Things have been changing...

Since my last post I went to Aunt Alice's for Thanksgiving while we where there we got to visit with some of dad's family. My Aunt Angie and Uncle Jeff were there visiting their son and all their kids were there. Was nice to see them we haven't gotten to see them the last few times we have been to Grandma's.

Then Christmas came we stayed here in Da Plains for Christmas I went to a friends house had fun with her kids. There was lots of food, games,and fellowship I so enjoy just having a good time with great people.

Anyway then there was New Year's my singles group from church went to a hockey game then all came over to our house for fellowship, food, and games. We had a lot of fun that night something we should do again for sure.

Grandma Martin passed away in early January so we headed to Illinois to say good bye to Grandma. Had a good visit with both sides of family I got to meet mom's brother's whom I had never met.

In February I moved into my own apartment it is a one bedroom. Has a nice size living room and bedroom. I love my little apartment so cute and cozy.

Then out of no where came J he has turned my world upside down. I have prayed for so long that the right guy would come along. I was beginning to think God forgot about me but, he hadn't we just weren't ready to met. Now I see why I had to wait God was preparing me for what was to come. I didn't know that I would need to be prepared but I did. We have both had our hearts pulled out and stomped all over. When you are with someone who has had the same thing happen to them as you it makes things easier to understand where they are coming from.

God was growing me into the strong Christian that he knew I needed to be for J and J has been growing for me. We weren't there until now not to say this last few months have been smooth sailing but, it could have been worse I guess.

We are so happy together he is just what I always wanted in my partner I just hadn't found him. J is so sweet, understanding, loving, caring, respectful, God fearing, funny, serious, hard working, servant, and responsible. There are things about J that I didn't think to ask God for I'm so glad that he gave them to him tho.

I am so happy right now in this season of my life. I hope that people can be happy for me and not dwell on the past. If there is something about J that I'm not seeing then I want it pointed out but, other wise can we not pull him apart please. Your not the one who is in the relationship I am maybe I wouldn't have chose the one you did for you. Needed to rant.

I say that to say this if you can't be happy for me and support me (cause i am an adult and I know the mistakes I have made in the past it happened to ME!!!!!) then don't say anything and you wont have to be in our lives. I say and mean this even IF things don't work out with J remember this for the future.

We have and do pray about our relationship and feel very strong about us and where we stand. there will not be a quick wedding if that is what your thinking relax. Did that once look how that turned out lol.

I think that is all have to get ready for work and J is coming over later might go for a walk later it is so beautiful outside.

Love ya'll

I have been deciding weather to post this here goes. I wrote this one day last week.



I went for a walk at my new favorite place the airport path. I love watching the F-16's take off and land. They fly really close to your head there and that is just to cool. I am so happy that I live in a country where planes flying over your head isn't a scary thing.



It was a beautiful day so I decided I would go down to the falls and sit. Which was over flowing due to all the rain we have had lately. I am so excited about what God has planned for my life. He has big plans I know that I just wish I knew what they where. I was thinking back wondering if this is why he has had me be content in the things that have happened over the last 2 years. Things I could do that I couldn't have done if I hadn't been laid off. I think about what I was asked the other night. What are your goals for the next 5-10 years? WOW I realized I didn't have any goal. Cause the only goal I ever had didn't happen or hasn't happened. The only goal I had was to get married and have children. I realized now that I have other goals they are just small goals like I want to go to a nascar race, go on a missions trip, and travel more.

I really feel like I am blooming where God planted me. He put me here for a reason and I see some of the things God wants me to do. I am so excited about starting the singles group this is something I have wanted for several years. We have so many things planned for our group that we want to do God is really going to use us.

So we all have those really lonely days were you feel like there is no one there. You want to do something but, no one to go do it with. That is when I think NO I am not alone I have God I am never alone. He will never leave me nor forsake me. When every other man treats me bad or does me wrong God is there.

I have faith that God will give me the desires of my heart. One day I will finally have my husband and family.

You don't even see me....

My cousin pointed out something to me a while back that I had felt but never said to anyone.

In our family if you are not married and have kids you aren't thought of as an adult. She is so right but, i will take it one step farther they don't even see you.

They come to visit and I love seeing them but, they come for the grand kids not to see me.

Feel like it doesn't matter what I do I wont make you proud till I am married and have a bunch of kids. I know I am not some great person but, it would be nice if you at least heard me when I spoke. Believed in me that I could do great things if I wanted.

I have tried to let people in and know me but, it like you don't want to know me.



The thing I love most about this blog is that since I have no kids or husband I have no pictures of them or updates. So in return no one reads this so it makes it easier for me to say what I want to say without holding back.

So second pity party is over for the day I think.....

Fairy Tales Aren't Real

So maybe I am having a pity party but, this is how I feel so take it or leave it.


I am so sick of people telling me I am young and have plenty of time. Cause I'm not the older I get the more I get annoyed by other people's kids and think how I don't want kids now. I think IF I had a kid now I would be 60 when the kid is 20 yeah I don't want that.



When we are young we are told all these fair tales how the princess gets the prince but, that isn't real life so why do we teach this to the kids??? It isn't fair.. Just like playing with Barbie not every woman is thin so why do we let our kids play with them???

I hate feeling envious of a younger girl that is married, engaged, or pregnant. I hate wishing that was me and knowing that it isn't. Maybe I had my chance and that is all I will have again..

I hate that I wanted to start over in a new place yet since I got there I haven't felt like it is any better then where I was.

I hate that I am willing to come to terms that I will never have a child call me mom or a man call me his wife. Even though it breaks my heart to think about it.

I am tried of believing in so fairy tale story or all the exceptions to the rule.

I hate hearing if so and so found someone there is still hope for you don't give up.. WOW thanks that made me feel so much beter.

I hate when people think they understand what you are going through yet they have always been with the one they are married to. You have no idea what it is like so stop pretending like you do.

I hate that what I have to do is suck it up and get over it cause there is nothing else I can do.

When do I get the desire's of MY heart??? I have asked when do I recieve them??? I guess I don't so I am done..

That is my rant take it or leave it but, this is my blog where I can say what I want this is my rant page..

Changes

I never know how to start my blogs out... So here we go.

Today I went to the lake with this AWESOME couple from church and his brother much fun was had by all. I got to thinking when I got home how much I LOVE hanging with them. I learn something new every time they are so honest and true. You know like you don't feel like they are fake like I have said before I have seen so many fake christians. I always said that I never wanted to be one but, you know what I was really I was a fake person completely. I was one way around my parents, church, and family then went to work, or hang out with my non- christian friends and be completely different.

Now that I have become more faithful in my prayer life and just faithful to God and all he is doing I feel like I am finding ME.. I think I could have told you about me before but, now I am discovering this whole new person that I want to be. I almost feel like a baby christian I craving being around other christians.

There is this super sweet couple in the church they are so fun, she is loud and boisterous he is tall and funny. They are just cute together then you throw in his brother who is just hilarious and so honest about everything. They really have made me open my eyes to a new way of thinking and I am loving it. I was already shouting for God the last 5 months but, the last 3 weeks it has been even more. It amazes me how a conversation with someone can open your eyes so much more.

I look back at where I was going now I was leading my life even 9 months ago and think WOW why was I doing that? How was I never here in the spot that I am now? Why did I never feel like I wanted to shout for Jesus before? Now I want to stand on the roof and tell everyone I see... I am not complaining at all I am so happy with where I am right now and I can't wait to see where it is going to go.

In Love....

I got inspired by a couple other blogs who posted pics of shoes they love so here are some of my favorites. I love these Black patton Ariat's since the first time I saw them a year ago I so want them..

Then there are these BEAUTIES LOVE the red boots so cute...

These are just cute have to have them...

Then there are the heels.... I wasn't a big heels person till recently. I got a couple pairs and not I am addicted to heels.

These I like the look of them but not crazy about the print..

These I want cause they are RED I so want a pair of red shoes....

These are really cute also like them a lot...

Does anybody hear her??

I have always loved the song Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns for many reasons. So much of that song was me. Not so much any more tho..

I love the line ' she is yearning for shelter and affection that she never got at home she is searching for a hero to ride in to ride in and save the day. And in walks her prince charming and he knows just what to say momentary lapse of reason and she gives herself away.'

I have thought about that line many times and I think I finally know why I fell in love with it. So I think part of it is the searching for affection. I am like an affection junky I love that cuddling you know just that touch and holding someone. Showing someone that you care for them.

I think that is why I dated so many loser's cause I was searching for someone just to show me that attention that I needed and wanted. I am dealing with it different now then I did before.

This is what I hate about having a job that doesn't work my brain I have to much time to think. I used to tell myself I didn't want to be a "fake" christian so instead I ran away completely to keep from being a "fake" christian. I have been a more out ward christian in the last few months and he feels great mind, body, and soul. Why did I run from this is what I been thinking all day...

I have made many changes in the last few months and that has help also have surrounded myself with christian people. This summer has been a blessing and a curse I have a wonderful christian woman that is helpful in encouraging me and I encourage her. But it hasn't been all roses we are working with a lady that is unsaved and has many issues. She is very standoffish and doesn't like us listening to christian music and has complained about that. She is trying very hard to stir things up tell lies about me and try to get me in trouble.

It really bothers me tho cause I have gotten so much closer then I have ever been before. I never would have been so out word with my believes before. If someone had a problem with what I was listening to I would change it for them and I am not giving in. I think I am the opposite really I play the music more and don't care what she says. So every day I pray for help to make it through the day and dealing with her.

I know I covered a lot in this post but, I had a lot on my mind and didn't want to do two post.