It has been awhile.

Man there has been so much more happen since the last post. I really need to do this more often I just get busy and don't think about it. Plus I made this blog as a place for me just to vent and say what ever I want. Anyway when I last left you i was living in South Dakota. Not so anymore I am now a Texan. Of course Texan's don't think that bout I am calling myself that. I love the south it is the best place to live the people are just so much nicer here than in the north. Now don't get me wrong there are nice people in the North but, everyone is nice here.

So I guess you want to know how this all came about and the whole what you doing now. The middle of january my brother-in-law was laid of. Two weeks later he came across an add for a job he called the number spoke to a guy sent his resume. The next day Roger spoke to the guy again they wanted to see Roger and wanted to know how soon he could get to Houston, Tx. My sister and Roger left that weekend leaving the Children in my hands with the help of others. Let me tell you that was a crazy 4 days children were sick and unhappy. They of course liked Roger, he liked the company they put him up for a month and my sister came home to pack up the house.

Then came the 'You know you could come with. I'll need some help.' Which didn't hurt me any I was more than willing to move leave that cold weather. I don't and wont miss that at all. I decided to come with I packed up my stuff also and came to Texas too. It has been great I'm still looking for a job but, I know God will provide one.

There has been another good come out of it I quit smoking I haven't had one in 7 days. I am so proud of myself I am trying really hard this time and I think this is the longest I have went. So go me!!!!!!!

I think that is about all I will post more in a little while need to go to bed. Love always Toni

Man it has been CRAZY

I know I haven't updated in awhile a lot has happened since my last update. I was laid off from work on November 19. Then started working at School Bus Inc. as an aid the next day which was a God sent. I am still there and making it work the best I can. I am still looking for a better job but, haven't found anything yet. We had a good thanksgiving with Grandma and Granpa much fun was had by all. It is always hard to see them go I miss them as soon as they leave.

Then my Birthday yeah I am another year older now man where did the time go. I had a good birthday my friend Liz took me to the movies to see Twilight which I am so into. I have read all the books and now Liz is all into the books too.

Christmas was good to had Christmas at Mindy's with the kids. Mom and Dad rented a room at one of the hotels that has a indoor water park. I helped them watch the kids they had a blast it was so cool they love the water and Sam must have went down the slide a million times. They didn't want to leave but, all things come to an end.

New Years not much happened I went out with Liz and Jermey to the Castaway Bar which was so fun it is in a hotel that has a water park inside so their were kids everywhere having ablast it was fun gonna have to get a room there next year and do that again. That pretty much brings us up to date not much is happening. I know pretty boring isn't it catch you later.

6 Days

We have only 6 days till Grandma and Grandpa come for Thanksgiving. YEAH I love you guys so much and miss you. There is nothing like seeing your grandparents I love hanging out with them. I know when they come we are in for LOTS of cards and food, we Thomas' know how to merge the 2 together well. Yeah i stole the pic from Mindy I don't have a pic of Grandma and Grandpa together. Love you guys and can't wait for you to get here.

So I was thinking....

I know that can be a bad thing but, when work is slow and there isn't much to do i tend to think about things. There are some things that happened about 2yrs ago that really hurt me and my family. I seem to still think about this and don't know why it is like this ghost that haunts me just when i think I have beat it, it returns.

I wander why it happened and why God wont let me just forget it? You see I thought I had meet the right guy the one i would have babies with and grow old together. Only I had found the one that would hurt me more and deeper then anyone had ever hurt me before.

So why is it so hard to just let this go and forget about it? I want to forget it ever happened it seems the more I try to do that the more he is in my mind. You know that I am afraid to go to a truck stop by myself now because of him. I know that sounds crazy but, if you know me then you understand why that is. I guess this just proves to me that the devil is just a evil if not more then we think cause only he would push me toward a man that acts like a Godly man but, is far from it.

Then I think about this saying I was told one year at Duncan's camp by a very smart christian girl. She said 'Satan sends his best before God sends his very best'. So now I wait for God to send his very best when and if it happens I will be here till God calls us home.

Which leads me to think about all the things that I should stop doing or change to bring that very best. I am working on some of those things it is a long hard road but, I am trying. I was talking to Jason about some of these things that I am going through and he is helping me a lot he has that encouraging voice I hear when I need that little boost in confidence. He is one of very few people that REALLY knows me. The good, the bad, and the ugly in my life I have never had to or wanted to hind things from him. I think that is why we have such a good relationship. Jason made a change in his life about 2 years ago he totally changed everything about him the Jason I knew is no more but, I like the new Jason even more then the old. Because now i can call say this is the struggle I am facing and he says been there this is what you should do. It is so easy to explain how I feel too cause he has been there and did that. Just knowing that he came out of it helps me to know if he can then so can I.

I know I posted a song yesterday but, this is one that hits home with me sometimes I feel like Casting Crowns wrote this song for me. Read the words the look it up on God Tube listen and watch the video. I love this song it is me and says just how I have felt so many times.

She is running

A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

She is trying

But the canyon's ever widening

In the depths of her cold heart

So she sets out on another misadventure just to find

She's another two years older

And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her?

Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even know she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her?

Can anybody see?

She is yearning

For shelter and affection

That she never found at home

She is searching

For a hero to ride in

To ride in and save the day

And in walks her prince charming

And he knows just what to say

Momentary lapse of reason

And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her?

Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even know she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her?

Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we've never even met her

If judgment looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we've never even met her

If Judgement looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we've never even met her

Never even met her

(Never Even Met her)

What a good day!!!

My sister texted me last night and told me 'Madelyn asked Jesus into her heart tonight'. That is so exciting we have one more going to Heaven with us now.



My friend Jason called me and told me Becca's (a friend of ours) dad is in the hospital and to pray for him. They are not sure what is wrong with him but, he is bleeding in the brain they think he had a mild stroke. I talked to Becca today he is doing a little better he is still bleeding in the brain and it is bruised. They think the bruise happened when he fell caused by the stroke. Please pray for him he is better but not out of the woods he doesn't remember somethings and hopefully the bleeding will stop. I know the family would really appreciate your prayers in this manner.

Revelation WHAT A SONG!!!1

So I had a not very good weekend things were not looking good for me money wise it was bad. God worked things out and now there just mite be a light at the end of the tunnel. In the process of going through this I heard a song by Third Day that really touched me I couldn't get it out of my head all weekend. I only heard it once on Friday but it stayed in my head I couldn't find it anywhere online either. Then today I found it on Godtube I will post the lyrics and try to post what is on Godtube. I love this song it is so true and has help me so much this weekend I hope it speaks to you also.

Third Day Revelation Lyrics:

My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain

Now I am left alone and I am broken

Trying to find my way Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time I know that you are holding all the answers

I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances

On roads that never seem To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

'Cause I've been trying to find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without you

I've got nothing without you

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding

Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding

That I am lost again

Tell me when this road will ever end

I don't know where I can turn

Tell me, when will I learn

Won't you show me where I need to go

Let me follow your lead

I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,

Show me what to do

Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,

I haven’t got a clue

Tell me should I stay here,

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation I’ve got nothing without You

I’ve got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation…

I’ve got nothing without You

I’ve got nothing without You

If you click on the following link it will take you to God Tube this is not the best sound quality but you can at least hear the song.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=a3c5b2a85d6f79deaba1

You don't know how much God will take care of you after you have dug yourself into a hole until he helps you out of the hole. Friday I was ready to call it quites on everything I was at rock bottom I have been low before but, never this low. With a lot of talking and crying with my dad and this song I started to feel better. Then God started opening windows all over things just started falling into place. In the end I wont be where I am now but, I will be better off. I plan to work on a lot of things over the next few months there are a lot of giants that I need to fight. With God's help all is possible so i am not worried he has a plan for me I need to step a side so that the plan can happen. I need to stop doing a lot of the things that I do so that he can work in my life I know this but, it is hard. Please pray that I will have the strength to turn everything over to him and turn from the things I shouldn't do. Thank you all so much I will talk to you later.

TWILIGHT the movie comes out Nov 21 yeah!!!!!!

OH my let me just say if you have not read Twilight go get you a copy today and read it before the movie comes out next Friday. I am so excited about this I can hardly contain myself. I have never read a book so fast in my life I love this story. I also have a thing for vampire series another good one is Charlaine Harris' southern vampire series if you have HBO they made a show from this series(read the books first show is good book is better). Anyway I am just really excited and wanted all to know go see Twilight.